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Referrals: They used to be key to landing a job. Now, this selection process is making its way into the dating world.
Online dating has become the romantic equivalent of a hyperlocal Yelp review.
No matter how impressive your qualifications, nothing beats these two keywords from an ex:
“Dated” and “Recommended.”
This secondhand-ex trading frenzy can be traced back to a single, whimsical thought from a woman named Momo.
About two weeks ago, she posted online, lamenting the difficulty of dating and jokingly requested her “sisters” to refer their exes.
At first, no one took it seriously, treating the “refer-an-ex” concept as an internet meme. People joked about it while staying up-to-date with current events, filling the comments section with lighthearted banter.
But to the blogger’s surprise, a quick refresh revealed a host of generous individuals already composing testimonials for their former flames.
In a matter of days, the “refer an ex” movement evolved into a clandestine, grassroots organization. It operates with military-like precision, boasting clear internal discipline and standardized posting formats.
First, the cover image must be created with the software’s built-in text generator. Regardless of background color, they all share a similar, rough-around-the-edges aesthetic. The one constant? The bold declaration: “Seeking a Reliable Ex-Referral.”
Second, posts generally adhere to this template:
Location, Age, Gender.
Looking for a relationship, but the current landscape is tough. I’m anxious about unhealthy relationships or those with bad habits. Seeking recommendations for reliable, morally sound exes. (To add, a breakup doesn’t necessarily mean the person is bad; it could be due to long distance, family incompatibility, or different life paces, so don’t be too surprised.)
I have many hobbies, love life, and am sincere and kind. I’m not good at flirting or playing games.
If you don’t have a referral, warning me about unreliable exes would also be helpful. Thanks, sisters!
Those with a scholarly bent even include a bibliography at the end, out of respect for the original post.
Scrolling down to the comments section is like opening a resume screening interface on a recruitment platform. With a tap of your finger, you can effortlessly discover candidates who could dominate the top tier of the dating market.
The comments, like the posts, are remarkably uniform. They follow unspoken rules:
Regardless of gender, commenters must lead with either height or age, immediately followed by physical attractiveness and wealth as secondary advantages. MBTI type and zodiac sign are the cherry on top, quickly sketching out a potential partner’s profile.
The remaining details depend on personal preference: “Fair skin” and “lean muscle” are bonus points for appearance, while “state-owned enterprise” and “bureaucracy” are symbols of preferential matching. If your ex has abs or curves, congratulations – your DMs will likely be flooded.
If there’s nothing truly impressive to mention, a simple “emotionally stable” can still be surprisingly reassuring.
After all, these testimonials come from exes, giving them a credibility that strangers simply can’t match.
Everyone here rattles off their ex’s appealing qualities. You’d be forgiven for mistakenly thinking that you were at a local job fair, with high-quality men and women being sold by the pound.
The numbers mentioned above are only the most superficial exchange conditions. Kindhearted “referrers” will even volunteer information about their exes’ strengths and weaknesses.
From family background and asset assessments to the number of dogs they own, they provide professional service with a guarantee of information accuracy.
Some of their memory capacity would make James Bond envious.
Here, you not only learn the ex-partner’s current updates but also effortlessly retrieve details from their middle school QQ space, like sharing pictures of motorbikes.
Who said life has no audience? Thanks to exes’ candid confessions, you can even learn the candidate’s upper face is considered better looking. The person concerned even generously offers the advice: “Recommend approaching them with a mask.”
Even short video platforms embrace the established matchmaking format, analyzing referral candidates frame by frame.
However, anyone approved in the process definitely has its flaws.
For example, masculinity might manifest as physical violence when angry, while “manly” refers to smelly, unwashed socks after a game. Thriftiness becomes selling these socks secondhand for a hefty sum of 50 yuan, earning the moniker of a “good provider.”
Of course, such a rigorous referral process has its own carefully defined grading system.
After evaluating a host of ex-referral documents, we can broadly categorize exes into the following tiers:
99% New: No issues with family or moral character, stable job, strong family finances, good personality, treats their significant other well.
90% New: No issues with family or moral character, stable job, good personality, treats their significant other well.
80% New: No issues with family or moral character, one negative aspect regarding job or personality, treats their significant other well.
Slightly Flawed: Obvious issues with family or moral character, one negative aspect regarding job or personality. Past relationship history shows conflict.
Completely Flawed: All of the above issues are present, classified as a problem individual.
Notably, many commenters find 99% new exes too likely to reconcile, while anything below Slightly Flawed is unacceptable. As such, “90% New” or “80% New” exes are considered the optimal relationship choices.
With this formalized system in place, matching speeds are breaking records on apps. As long as the IP addresses match, understanding individuals act as Cupids with maxed-out attack speed, clicking private messages incessantly.
The surge in popularity has even attracted professionals to get in on the action.
For example, this divorce lawyer likely never imagined they’d stumble into the matchmaking arena.
The efficiency of person-to-person referrals leaves onlookers marveling: even Aphrodite at her peak would be humbled.
More baffling than the request for referrals is the willingness of these people to act as marriage brokers for their exes.
Most of us have experienced the feeling of loving someone. But would you willingly hand them off to someone else after a breakup?
For most, the answer is a resounding no.
So why is it that the commenters are so enthusiastic about promoting their former partners?
Let’s hypothesize a bit, dividing those willing to refer an ex into two camps.
First you have what we call the Pure Love Faction.
These individuals broke up not due to relationship conflicts, but due to external factors like family or work. Therefore, they present themselves as “best friends,” harboring secret feelings on the inside.
If they add something like: “If you’re not comfortable with it, we’ll cut ties completely; don’t worry,” these words become the pinnacle of tragedy. Even Qu Jingming, the godfather of sentimental literature, would be in awe of this subtle way of writing emotion.
The second group is the “Talent Appreciation” school of thought.
These individuals have honest intentions. As staunch advocates of remaining friends after a breakup, they firmly believe that with enough sincerity, they can create a win-win situation for everyone.
To further bolster their ex’s confidence, they position themselves as a talent scout, offering a 360-degree, top-notch service.
Some even give a sneak peek of the breakup while still in the relationship, saying they can customize a boyfriend to your liking.
Dating these exes means that you don’t have to worry about anything — just sit back and enjoy the ride.
The catch is that when they say something like, “I want to stand up and vouch for him because I understand how good he is, and I hope he can find a great partner,” you’ll need to ensure you never overthink it later in the relationship.
In addition to those eager to provide references, a contingent of “pure hate” warriors has begun volunteering to expose miscreants in the comment section.
“My ex is handsome, muscular, and a 富二代 (second-generation rich kid), but he has an STD problem.”
“Anyone looking for a scammer? Contact me for a referral.”
“My ex is inconsistent in looks, sometimes cute, sometimes ugly, not very loyal, and terrible in bed.”
This faction lurking within the organization is also quite large. Organized by region, they vow to sacrifice their exes to the masses.
This innate hatred of exes is a familiar narrative. The feeling is something that only people who have been in those relationships can understand.
Others with a longer vision are already trying to sell off their legal husbands.
The individual in question highlighted twice in the comment, “Can get divorced immediately,” and left a nonchalant, “The kids are grown and don’t need care, the in-laws are dying soon.”
She thoughtfully painted a detailed user profile: suitable for sisters who want kids but don’t want to raise them, which allows everyone to make the optimal selection.
At the finale of the saga, those who want to be in a relationship began to rush headlong in all directions.
Some bloggers had no desire to pursue a relationship. However, after repeating the same text to attract viewership, they discovered that, while no one was interested in hooking up, many individuals presented an application to “self-refer.”
Of course, they could not escape fighting in an “infinite war.” Regardless of how many times the original posters clarified the situation, scores of people clutching their “love passes” continued to flood in via DMs.
Maybe most people are acting for the attention of it all. Still, someone already dared to face both an ex-boyfriend and an ex-girlfriend.
Unsurprisingly, the blogger came back and shared why it was a mistake. Main lessons learned include:
1. The date started a hot iced coffee; the poster had diarrhea, and the date tried to hold her hands.
2. The boyfriend was actually good, but his mom was a real problem.
3. The blogger and the boyfriend did not have any tension. The ex-girlfriend was annoyed. She and the boyfriend got back together in the end.
Some members of the audience realized the truth: the old couple was using the newcomer as an adhesive.
After talking to several candidates who hope to be referred, I found they have a lot in common. All of them are confident that candidates recognized by their exes are good in background, trait, and personality.
People like my conservative dad could understand this: it is hard to assess who you are going to date.”
From the rumors, you can feel the hatred from others. Social media is a big red flag; dating apps are also red flags, and finding out who the red flags are is also important.
Even friends are not reliable. Before setting a date with someone, you must investigate to make sure there are no red flags.
The seemingly reliable guy could be a customer of “Mr. Jiao,” and the scholarly doctor might be a rapist.
There’s “Fat Cat,” who sacrificed his life for love, and those like “Wang Baochuan,” who are willing to scrounge for wild vegetables while waiting for the guy who ghosted her. Now, a healthy interpersonal relationship is hard to come by.
Therefore, many commenters say, “The good ones are rarely found on the market, especially good men.”
Out of the terror of encountering problems in a relationship, the saying above turns into a mantra of truth.
From this perspective, it can be seen that the most reliable way of dating is via references by other people’s exes.
Mediocre sailors cannot find strength at sea, and no one can understand the complexities if they continue to have a great love life.
Some have given up and come to terms with the reality, saying,
At this point, who hasn’t taken somebody else’s ex?
There is no meaningful difference.
As emotions are being explored, everyone is setting standards for the other based on the rumors circulating on the Internet, which creates a state of confusion.
Amid the chaos, the only constant is that we hope to find a good man or woman in a relationship.
Those accepting another person’s ex have likely spent too long on dating apps, and they might not remember their original standards for others. All they can remember is their goal.
The focus is not on anything specific. But it would be their undoing if they thirsted for results in the pursuit.
@林有感
The practice of referring exes is a mirror of societal attitudes.
Here, exes are not just past relationships; they can also be treated as resources. Behind the absurd comments is a bartering system:
If you want a 富二代, you have to accept that they are likely to cheat.
If you want the next big thing, get ready to endure their daily grind.
If you hope to find a bureaucrat, get ready for unsolicited preaching.
If you date somebody older with economic prowess, accept being controlled. If you hope the other person gives you emotional support, consider the jealousy.
Those with money have a hard time staying in touch. Those who want an equal relationship are too clingy.
Those who try to find success want a 富二代to back them up. But the 富二代just want someone pretty.
We are trying to swap value with value. However, it marks the point at which we start to objectivize each other.
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Original article, Author: Tobias. If you wish to reprint this article, please indicate the source:https://aicnbc.com/5743.html
